A few weeks ago, I simply put out into the Universe that I wanted to help people in need and be a vessel of peace. Two days later, three people called on same day and told me they needed a place to stay.
I was unsure about having one of them live with me, because he had not paid rent to the person who he had been living with for a year, and I did not want our friendship to end by having him stay with me and not pay anything. We discussed the price per room and I thought $400 would be good, but he thought $200 was fair, and paid me some money each week. I was not happy with this, but I couldn’t find my voice to do anything about it.
I didn’t think he would pay a dime. But not only did he pay me what he said he would, he also helped me with my car, my dogs, listened to my problems and bought my son treats. I thought he would drag me down by using my utilities and getting in my way, but instead he brightens most of my days with his company, and I have realized that I didn’t even know what an awesome guy he was until he moved in.
I thought my other friend, who is a healer, would be a wonderful person to live with. I found out She was the opposite of all I thought she would be. I had always been under the assumption that if you were a healer you were a person who was someone to look up too. In fact, I felt that I was honored to be in her presence, because I could learn from her.
What I learned is that just because you are a healer does not mean that you are a nice person.
I found someone who did not want to pay rent in cash at all, and who would offer me some meals (along the lines of tuna fish sandwich/ spaghetti/soup) and had decided to charge me for eating without telling me.
I remember being offered a hot drink of tea and then being told how expensive it was and that I should be grateful to be drinking it. I realized then that she was money-oriented, and I never thought “holy people” were like that. She also mentioned that by helping out with the dogs she was paying for rent. She was doing a reverse charge by assessing fees for her feeding my dogs and bringing them inside at night.
This woman had money, but was tight with her money and bartered with me without telling me. Each week I asked for rent, and each week she told me I owed her money because she spent $200 on food in a week. I never knew tuna fish cost that much.
The man who did pay me $200 is far below poverty, but yet we have never had any problems. And when he would go out to buy donuts he would freely give my son one.
It took my counselor friend and my roommate to have a few short and intimate conversations with me to get me to understand that my healer roommate was using me. I was faced to look at how my boundaries were violated and how I was so used to letting her violate me, because of the status I gave her: she was Queen and I was her subject. Why? Because she was a healer.
I am not kidding. It was huge burst to my bubble: I believed at age forty-something that all healers and teachers were holy. I just didn’t know they were human. I didn’t know they could be selfish. I didn’t know that God or Buddha or the Great Light wasn’t going to jump in and make her stop using me and staying in my house for free.
She was washing clothes day and night. She cooked all the time and was using my utilities. Yet, she would not pay a dime, and I couldn’t stand up to her for so long because I thought she was better than me for being a healer. Thank Goddess my other friends intervened and helped me develop a backbone. It was hard to be forced to see the truth. Healers are not always holy. I believed they were for forty-plus years. I was wrong. People are human.
The best gift I got from her was the gift of having someone force me into establishing boundaries. I remember asking her when she would leave, week after week and she would say things like “I will decide after my trip,” and “I am waiting to be led by Spirit.” I can’t believe I put so much faith into another person and none in myself.
I thank her for teaching me an excellent lesson: Love yourself first.
I learned that I misjudged my friend without a lot of money, because he gave me the most amount of money he actually could give me, and his company is priceless.
My third friend resolved her issue with her roommate and moved out within a few days. She taught me that all healers aren’t bad. She was kind, loving, and was exceedingly warm with my son. I am really glad to have met her, because I was beginning to get a bad taste in my mouth for the term “healer.” She is everything bright and beautiful.
I have been doing a lot of emotional clearing recently, because I finally have identified who my friends are and why they are my friends. I have learned the importance of boundaries, and the importance of putting myself on an even playing field as everyone else, especially spiritual people and all people in positions of religious power.
I cant’ believe it took me well into my forties to think about the possibility of valuing myself and not putting myself below others. I am equal to all.
I am important.